When Disasters Meet
by ArtemisApollo97
Summary: One looks like she can kill you, riddled with scars and strength. One looks like she's all sweet and innocent, dressed in pink and excited by the smallest things. Except, one COULD kill you and one WOULD kill you. And that is ONLY if they weren't total gay disasters that didn't try to kill each other first.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm telling you, Mama could beat Godzilla in a fight."

"No, no, no, Mama would adopt Godzilla and train her to stomp on people she doesn't like."

"Good job she's got big feet then."

"Fine, Mama versus King Kong?" Charlie smirked at his sisters. Elsie rolled her eyes. They had been debating ridiculous scenarios for almost half an hour. Elsie had zoned them out for most of it, more concerned with not dropping Alokia's new supply of books.

"King Kong," Alokia scoffed, "would take one look at Mama and run for the hills."

"Nah, he'd kidnap Papi first, you know Papi likes being the damsel in distress."

"Papi likes it more when he can pretend to faint in her arms, crying 'My hero'!" Alokia pressed the back of her hand to her forehead, mock-swooning, with a gruff impression of their father. Charlie snickered. Elsie adjusted her hold on the books, smiling. "OK, OK, Papi versus Voltron?"

"Eighties Voltron, Voltron Force or Voltron Legendary Defender?"

"I'm so disappointed you watched Voltron Force." Elsie shook her head.

"I had high hopes for it!" Alokia protested.

"I did too," Charlie sighed, "for Legendary Defender, anyway. Kick."

"Kick." Alokia agreed, pouting. "But you haven't answered my question."

"Eighties Voltron was cheesy and won with a blazing sword, like, all the time, which would be ineffective against Papi 'cos, ya know, fire." Charlie waggled his fingers. "Voltron Force had that whole changing which-colour-lion-was-the-head thing and that was just a _nightmare_. Papi would hate that."

"True. Legendary Defender?"

"I think he'd want one."

"How can you _not_ want one?" Alokia grinned. "I'd be the Black Lion."

"No you wouldn't! You'd be Green, at least!"

"_At least_? Fight me, small child!"

"Bring it on!"

"Melody!" That was a new voice, Elsie's ears focused at the panic. She turned, her siblings crying out. Something pink and blonde slammed into her chest. Books went flying and she landed in a heap with said pink-blonde thing, air rushing from her lungs. "Oh my god, Melody! Are you OK?"

"Ow ow ow." The pink-blonde thing winced. Elsie coughed, wheezing. "Oh! I'm sorry!" The girl pushed herself up, hands on Elsie's shoulders. Her hair fell around her face, blonde curls a ruffled mess. "Oh, please don't be brain damaged." Her hands, warm and soft, fluttered about Elsie's face, checking for breakages in her neck and head, sky blue eyes examining hers fiercely.

"Elsie!" Alokia and Charlie leant over her, concern furrowing their brows. Elsie mumbled incoherently, unable to tear her eyes from the blonde's freckled face. She was dimly aware of her siblings getting the giggles overhead, but she was more attuned to her lungs not functioning for a reason other than the collision. This girl was sat astride her stomach, sticking her tongue out as she concentrated.

"Nothing feels broken," the blonde mused, "I'm sorry, I… " She glanced over her shoulder, smiling sheepishly. "I have a habit of head-diving down stairs." She said quietly.

"I told you to tie your shoelaces." A dark-haired girl appeared at the blonde's side. "Look, stop sitting on this poor girl, her face looks hot enough to fry an egg."

"Oh! I'm sorry!" The dark-haired girl helped her friend to her feet. Alokia and Charlie took Elsie by an arm each, yanking her up less kindly and laughing. "Please say something, I'm really worried for your brain now!" The blonde pleaded, nervously wiping her hands on the front of her dress. Elsie was worried about her brain as well. Why couldn't she formulate some sort of her response? Her tongue felt as though it had morphed into sponge. She still couldn't look away.

The girl was shoulder-height to her, which amazed her because _they_ had always been the short ones. She looked even smaller next to her friend, who was nearing six foot, her knee-length dress even pinker next to her friend's dark clothes. Her hair was honey blonde, she anxiously smoothed it back, her nose had a slight upturn that was endearing, her cheeks and nose peppered with freckles. The blue of her eyes wasn't just purely sky-blue, shards of sapphires glittered in the depths.

Alokia looked to Charlie, smirking.

"Alguien esta enamorado!" She whispered. Charlie nodded, smirking at Elsie, who was positively crimson now. The blonde frowned at them, cheeks pink.

"Te entiendo." She said. "Soy Melody." Alokia and Charlie gaped at her. Melody's dark-haired friend cackled at their mystified looks. Alokia pinched Elsie's arm, startling her back into function. Their new companions weren't impressed when they spoke in another language, the younger two flailing, the eldest shaking her head.

"Fine." Alokia huffed. "I'm Alokia. This is Charlie. The girl who broke your fall is Elsie and she'd like your number."

"No, no, no," Elsie's voice finally croaked, "no."

"Oh, that's a shame." The dark-haired girl said. "I'm Martine and Melody would like your number too." Melody squeaked, almost as pink as her dress. Alokia grinned, fishing Elsie's phone from her sister's pocket before Elsie could even protest. Martine rattled off Melody's number, Alokia punched it in, smirking victoriously at her sister. Martine pocketed her phone, clapping Melody on the shoulder. "Talk about knocking a girl off her feet!"

"Shut _up_, Mart!"

"Never." Martine grinned. Melody's phone chimed in her little shoulder bag, her face flooding scarlet. Alokia grabbed Elsie by the wrist, lifting her hand to smack her phone into her palm.

"You're welcome. And you're going to pay for throwing my books on the floor." She looked back at Melody. "She's free on Thursday, meet for lunch? OK, cool, that's brilliant. We should head back now, Mama and Papi will be wondering where we are." Elsie nodded absently, stooping to gather the books. Melody did too and they ended up headbutting each other. Charlie had to hold Alokia's arm, wheezing, doubled over with laughter. Melody squeaked apologies, Elsie was trying to reassure her and blame herself at the same time. It came out something like 'My no sorry, your fault blame.'

"This," Martine wiped at her eyes, "is the best day of my life."

* * *

"Where ya'll been?" Louisa frowned. "We said meet at two."

"Sorry, Mama, Elsie nearly died, threw my books around and got a date."

"No, I didn't!" Elsie protested, crimson. Alokia grinned, ducking as she grabbed at her. Leo cleared his throat and they stopped.

"You nearly _died_?" He prompted.

"Oh, it was _brilliant_!" Charlie beamed, hopping in a circle around his parents. "This pink girl fell down the stairs because she didn't tie her shoelaces and she landed on Elsie and then she sat on Elsie checking to see if she had broken anything and Elsie looked like her brain had melted and then the pink girl whose name is Melody by the way was picked up by her friend who is Martine I like her she's big and loud and Alokia stole Elsie's phone and Martine gave her Melody's number and now they're going out on Thursday to lunch considering Elsie remembers how to breathe and not stare at pretty girls she's super disaster gay extraordinaire and Alokia's pissed because her books went on the floor and two of them have bent pages now which equates to something like a national catastrophe giving how much Alokia swore at Elsie on the way back." He grinned at them, still bouncing around them, having explained in one solid breath. Louisa picked him up as he zipped past her, hands under his arms as if he was still three. Charlie smiled over his shoulder at her.

"What've ya had?"

"Cake."

"How much cake?" Leo asked carefully.

"Ooh, don't go there." Charlie kicked his legs to get down, but his mother was far more stubborn than him. She kept him aloft, looking over his head at her daughters.

"So ya gonna meet this Melody on Thursday?"

"Yes she is." Alokia answered first. "Because if my books got damaged and Elsie _doesn't_ go on this date, she will be replacing _every single copy_."

"I'm broke!"

"That's your problem!" Alokia flicked Elsie's arm. Elsie glowered, flicked her in the head. Leo stepped between them, smiling down at Elsie with his arms folded.

"_Sooo_, what's she like?"

"Papi!" Elsie covered her eyes. "Not now!"

"Aww, I want to know!"

"What, so you can give her bad datin' advice?"

"Um, excuse you, but I got _you_, didn't I?"

"Fluke." Louisa claimed. Leo gasped, hand on heart. "Come on, let's go." She set Charlie down, holding onto his arm with a warning look. Charlie squinted at her.

"Kia reckons she'd pilot the Black Lion."

"Nah, she's more Green Lion."

"Say _what_?" Alokia protested. "I'd make an excellent Black Paladin!"

"Yes," Louisa agreed flatly, "I heard Voltron can't even either."

"I'm going off you." Alokia decided. Louisa shrugged, smiling lopsidedly.

"Long walk home."


	2. Chapter 2

Elsie sat on her bed after dinner that evening, biting her thumb. She held her phone in the other hand, staring at the blinking cursor of a new message. Alokia had saved Melody as 'TEXT THIS NUMBER OR SUFFER FOR ETERNITY'. Elsie felt compelled to send a text. Except, she didn't know what to put. She had drafted several attempts only to backspace them from existence. She was now contemplating how bad suffering for eternity could _really_ be.

A knock on her door drew her from her thoughts.

"Yeah." She called. Her mother stuck her head in.

"You OK?" She asked. Elsie nodded, scratching her nose. Louisa spotted her phone. "Ya gonna text her then?"

"I don't know what to put."

"Um, _hi_."

"No, that's… lame." Elsie finished quietly. Louisa sighed. She moved to sit next to Elsie. "Mama, help."

"Probably wrong person to ask, _mija_, but I can try." She rubbed at her jaw, humming as she thought. "What about somethin' like… I dunno, uh…" She rolled her hand, as if that would make an idea come. She froze at a bemused laugh outside, glaring challengingly at the door. "Valdez." She called.

"Oh gods…. Uh, I'm not here. Leave a message after the beep. _Beeep_."

"Valdez, you're a dick." Leo tipped his head into the room, allowing himself to look hurt and betrayed for a moment. Then his grin materialised, the kind of devilish grin that, when on Charlie, Elsie was sent into immediate dilemma as to what he had done this time. But on _Leo_, the original idiot… _not good_.

"If I can get the most stubborn, hot-headed, infuriatingly annoying and violent _zorra_ on the planet to marry me, I think, I _think_ my expertise somewhat outweighs yours, chica." Louisa made a rude hand gesture, telling Elsie not to repeat it. Leo plonked himself down on Elsie's other side, tucking an arm around her shoulders. "So, would you like cheesy one-liners or mega-cheesy one-liners?"

"Can't I just have a normal suggestion?"

"I'm offended you think I'm capable of normal."

"Papi…" Elsie whined.

"Fine. Charlie said she hadn't tied her shoelaces, right?" Elsie nodded. "How about… Can I tie your shoe? Because I can't have you fall for anyone else."

"No."

"Rude. One of you had better have said that's one way to knock a girl off her feet or I'll be severely disappointed."

"Martine said something like that."

"Disappointed."

"Not helping."

"Ugh. Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want to fall down some more stairs?" Leo grinned. Elsie groaned, shoulders slumping as her mother cracked up.

"Ya can't put _that_!"

"Yes she can, it's gold!"

"No! Bibi, just say hi."

"That's boring!" Leo exclaimed. "Disappointed! _Disappointed_, Lou!"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you too!"

"Hey!" Elsie elbowed them both. "You can fight later, _help me_!"

"I was helping!"

"You were not!"

"Like you're doing any better!" Leo stuck his tongue out. Louisa tipped her chin up defiantly. Elsie coughed and they squished her in a hug between them. "What about-?"

"No cheese."

"Ugh, _fine_. Big mistake, but fine." He huffed, breath ruffling her hair. He snatched the phone from her hand, Elsie protested instantly, but he was quicker. He hopped to his feet, moving to the other side of the room, typing. Elsie chased after him, but her father displayed surprising swiftness, laughing as he easily dodged her every attempt. He kissed her forehead when she swore, fuming at him. "So like your mama. Here. I've not sent it yet, but try this."

"What's it say?" Louisa asked. She had picked up Elsie's babyhood dolphin toy, making faces at it. Elsie read the text to herself and then aloud.

"Hey, it's the girl you nearly killed at the mall today. There are quicker ways to win someone's heart, food for a start. Fancy raiding McDonalds on Thursday, my treat?" She looked up at her father, who was smiling. "Again, I'm broke."

"It's a good job you've got such generous parents then, mm? You've got a thirty dollar budget, get a job, you bum."

"I am trying, but you keep giving me extra school work to do."

"That's 'cos you've got a good fuckin' brain on you." Louisa set the dolphin aside. "I don't know many kids who've been about six ta eight years of education ahead of their age. Even the Jacksons, Sage at best is 'bout three years ahead." She smiled. "All three of you are better than all seven of them."

"Damn straight!" Leo beamed proudly. "You can't ever beat a Valdez, we're the best! Now send that message!"

"But-"

"Send it!"

"OK, OK!" Elsie pressed send, heart hammering behind her ribs. "Now what?"

"Uh, generally conversations are two-sided, so you might have to wait for her to reply before anything else."

"What if she doesn't reply though? Or… or if she's not, you know, gay or-"

"Nah, if this Martine girl gave ya this Melody's number, that's a good sign."

"But-"

"Elsie, don't overthink it." Leo squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "Hopefully you've inherited Valdez charm too. Always a winner." Elsie's phone buzzed. She yelped, throwing it. Louisa caught it before it hit her head, raising a brow.

"Sorry!" Elsie squeaked, Leo trying and failing to stifle laughter. "You read it!"

"No, it's your phone." Louisa stood, holding the phone out. Elsie shook her head, but Leo was pushing her forward. Louisa grabbed her wrist as soon as she was close enough and for the second time that day, Elsie's phone smacked on her palm. "_You_ read it." Elsie unlocked her phone, the message opened automatically. Again, she read it to herself first. When she laughed, her parents grinned at each other.

"What did she say, what did she say?" Leo asked eagerly, jostling her shoulders slightly.

"She said 'I thought the quickest way to someone's heart was a bilateral incision of the upper left region of the sternum, but go off'." Her phone buzzed again. "Through the fourth and fifth ribs." She clarified. Another buzz. "With something sharp." Buzz. "She likes biology."

"No kidding!"

"What do I put?"

"That's for the third date." Leo replied without missing a beat. Heat rose in Elsie's cheeks, but she was smiling. She tapped the reply, excitement tingling her fingertips. Louisa ruffled her hair, laughing when the phone buzzed again. "We'll leave you to it," Leo squeezed her shoulders, "confirm Thursday!"


	3. Chapter 3

**To Didi- No, they're not Solace-Diangelos! Elsie, Alokia and Charlie are all Valdezes! Sorry!**

* * *

Melody Garcia. Two months and three days younger than Elsie, a proud Ravenclaw with perpetual pink in her wardrobe and a personality that defied her appearance. She was four foot ten, but that didn't stop her from, well, anything. Coupled with said personality, Elsie marvelled at how this girl hadn't killed herself already.

Their first date had been going quite well. Elsie was pleasantly surprised when Melody ate two Big Macs, fries, a doughnut, a McFlurry and three apple pies, slurping unapologetically on her milkshake. Her appetite meant Elsie didn't have to hide hers. She spent most of the thirty dollars on food, much to Melody's approval.

"No, I think I'd pilot the Black Lion."

"You wouldn't reach the pedals."

"Like you could?" Melody wrinkled her nose. Elsie laughed. Melody prised the lid from her milkshake, dipping a fry in.

"_Why_?"

"Oh, don't tell me you're a pineapple-on-pizza person?"

"No, no, ew, no. Milkshake fries though?" Elsie shook her head, grimacing. Melody smiled, munching happily. Something over Elsie's shoulder caught her eye and the smile disappeared in a flash.

"What are you looking at?" She demanded hotly. Elsie started, wondering where the sweet girl had gone. She turned to see an older, grey-haired woman frowning at them. At Melody's tone, the frown deepened. The woman straightened, sniffing distastefully.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves, behaving like _that_ in public."

"You should be ashamed of yourself, wearing those shoes with that shirt. What you were _thinking_?" Melody shook her head. "Keep your nose out, I'm a dab-hand with a scalpel and it'd be a shame if it came off." She went back to dipping her fries in milkshake. When the woman kept staring, Melody made the point of chewing loudly, with her mouth open, holding the mush between her teeth and glaring at their new friend. The woman scoffed in disgust, swivelling on her heel and marching off. Elsie looked back as Melody resumed chewing. "What?" Melody asked innocently.

"You're not as sweet as you look."

"Excuse you, I'm _adorable_, inside and out."

"No, no! I think it's…" Elsie laughed. "I think it's brilliant!" Melody blinked at her, cheeks reddening. "For the record though, you don't actually carry scalpels around with you, do you?"

"There's nothing you can prove." Melody defied, pouting as she realised she had eaten all her fries. "I won't cut your nose off. Not yet, anyway."

"I've had worse." Elsie said without thinking. That got Melody's attention, her eyes widening with demand. "Uh…" Elsie said brilliantly. She couldn't exactly list her multitude of old stab wounds and monster-related bites and scratches, all reduced to scars now. Especially on the first date. "I have… an interesting past." She winced internally.

"I need to know." Melody gripped her hand with surprising strength. "Does it involve the Mafia?"

"W-what? No! No Mafia!"

"Aliens?"

"No."

"Demons!"

"No!" Elsie laughed.

"You've summoned the Devil." Melody squinted suspiciously. Elsie shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek. Did her great-uncle, Lord of the Underworld, count as the Devil? "I'll get the truth out of you eventually." Melody warned. "I love mysteries."

"So your hobbies include cutting off people's noses, judging their fashion choices and solving mysteries?"

"And science. And paranormal stuff. Paranormal science stuff."

"And yet… _pink_."

"I have found my colour and I will wear it." She stuck her tongue out. "You, on the other hand, should really try a purple. Or a dark blue." Elsie looked down at her shirt.

"What's wrong with red?"

"It clashes with my pink."

"Purple and dark blue don't?"

"Mm, fair point. Maybe wear black!"

"No."

"White?"

"Won't stay white."

"That's fair." She looked down at their conjoined hands, blushing and letting go with a cough. Elsie hadn't realised, but suddenly missed the contact. "Should we go for a walk?" She asked, not quite looking Elsie in the eye. "That woman is sitting over there muttering to her little buddies." Elsie turned in her seat, resting her hand on the back of it. "Ugh, you are _so_ not discreet." Their judgemental, ill-fashioned friend sat on a booth about twenty feet away, three of her friends listening to her grumble. She saw the drinks on their tables, smiling to herself. She extended her fingers. Her mother could have done this at a greater distance, without even looking or moving so much as a millimetre. It took Elsie a little more concentration. She could sense the water in their drinks, the ice cubes slowly melting. She flicked her fingers and all four drinks went over, pouring over their respective owners. They shrieked, jumping to their feet. "Whoa!" Melody was on her feet too, smiling at their misfortune, confusion weighing down her brow.

"Seems like there's a ghost in here. Maybe they don't like her outfit either." Elsie started gathering their rubbish. Melody remained standing, looking from the soaked ladies to Elsie, puzzling something over. Elsie carried the tray over to the bin, taking a minute to dispense their rubbish. She glanced over at the ladies, who had grabbed handfuls of napkins from workers and friendly customers, frantically trying to dry themselves down.

Melody looked like she had come to a conclusion when she returned, but frowning slightly, missing a small piece. "You OK?" Elsie asked.

"Yeah, yeah. All good." Melody shook her head, smiling. "We'll have to come back and investigate this ghost."

"Is that you asking me on a second date?"

"That or dinner later." Melody shrugged.

"We'll go with the second date. _Someone_ ate my allowance's worth of Big Macs."

"I'm not going to turn down free food."

"You're buying next time then."

"Deal." Melody grinned. She looked over at the ladies, smirking as she tucked her hand through Elsie's arm. Elsie had been wearing a jacket the entire time. Melody had secretly been admiring her shoulders, but now her attention was on her arms. Through the material, she could feel strength and muscles defined enough to weaken her knees. _I have… an interesting past_, she had said.

She held Elsie's arm with both hands, tipping her head onto her shoulder. She could get used to this. "So, where're we off to?"

"Nowhere that's going to cost more than three dollars."

"Oh, mood."


	4. Chapter 4

**Just a drabble chapter so I can try and get back into this story! I'm still working out their dynamic, so sorry for any typos or whatever!**

**To AnnaArtemisMoon- thank you! I'm not giving up, I promise, just a minor writer's block! And now that you mention it, the Solangelo kids could apply to Melody and Martine, I didn't think of that! They're not (mostly because I've not decided on characters for Solangelo kids yet) but I like the idea! So, Didi, if you're still reading, my apologies for not getting that the first time round!**

****EDIT** hopefully I fixed the typo at the end- kill instead of call, it's been bugging me for ages! **

* * *

"What do you _mean_ you _ate my chicken_?"

"Bitch, it's _Minecraft_, calm down!"

"That chicken was more of a friend than you'll ever be!" Melody's voice wobbled dramatically over the mic, followed by loud and as equally dramatic sniffs. "You shall be avenged, Clucky! _Avenged_!" Elsie snorted, hurriedly button-mashing as she covered a town in TNT. "Where are you?" Melody demanded, clicking her tongue impatiently. Elsie hummed unhelpfully, a presence dropping down beside her on the sofa. Alokia picked up the spare remote, spawning in.

"What're we doing, hermana?"

"Detonation."

"Oh, of course."

"Of course." Elsie agreed. She saw Alokia's avatar sprint past her, armed with TNT. From the other end of the mic, an ungodly string of curses, both Spanish and English. Alokia winced. _Heard that_, she mouthed. Elsie managed a vague nod.

"_First you eat my chicken and now you're detonating my town_?"

"I'm not detonating it yet." Elsie rambled through her inventory, finding the flint. She aimed at the nearest TNT and grinned. "Now I am."

"_Que te la pique un pollo_!" Melody raged. Elsie snickered.

"I don't have one of _those_ and _you_ don't have one of those."

"You. Ate. Clucky."

"Yes, he was delicious."

"Oh, you monster." Alokia chimed in, standing in the sky as the explosions reduced Melody's town to rubble and bedrock. Elsie shone the most angelic smile she could muster. Alokia wiggled the headphone set from her sister's head, putting it on to talk to their distressed companion. "Is she being mean, Melody?"

"Yes!"

"Would you like me to hit her for you?"

"Yes!" Alokia turned her head slightly, pursing her lips. Elsie was regarding her sidelong with a similar expression.

"Yeeeah, I don't think I will."

"_What_?" Melody swore again. "Right, that's _it_! Say goodbye to Oscar!"

"What? No! Leave Oscar alone! Elsie, tell your girlfriend to leave Oscar alone!"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Elsie protested, flushing crimson. Alokia flourished the headset at her, wailing. "Lody, you can't kill Oscar!"

"You killed Clucky!"

"The dog_ can't _die_, _Lody! _The dog can't die_!"

"Oh, hey Oscar, nice day for a walk!"

"Don't do it-"

"Who's a good doggy, yes you are! Let's go, come on!"

"She's talking to him like he's a real dog."

"Real or not,_ you don't kill the dog_!"

"Should I ask?" The sisters startled. Leo was leaning on the back of the sofa, his gaze darting between his daughters, eyes narrowing as he tried to figure out what all the noise was about.

"My character was hungry and I found a chicken… except, I didn't realise it was Lody's chicken and then I blew up her town and now she's got my dog, Oscar."

"So you can destroy an _entire_ town _and_ kill her prized chicken-"

"And eat." Alokia interjected.

"His name was Clucky!" Melody added over the mic, bringing back the theatrical crying.

"And eat her chicken," Leo nodded, "but she can't kill the dog?" They stared at him, drawing a wince from him. "Now I've said it out loud, it's horrible. She can't kill the dog!"

"Thank you! Look, here, you tell her." Elsie handed the headset over, focusing on the screen to track Melody down. Alokia's character was only a few blocks behind.

"Melody?"

"Clucky will be avenged." Melody hissed.

"Understandable, but not the dog!"

"I could set the stables on fire?"

"Oooh, no, that's even worse."

"_How_?"

"Uhhh…" Leo replied brilliantly. Elsie and Alokia looked at him questioningly over their shoulders. "She wants to burn down the stables." He whispered. Elsie blew a raspberry, Alokia drew in a sharp breath, grimacing. "Yeah, no, don't touch the horses."

"What about the sea turtles?"

"Nope, nope, no sea turtles. They're endangered."

"Fish?"

"No! My gods, woman, are you _trying_ to get on Lou's bad side?"

"What? Why would that be on Lou's bad side?"

"Mmmmmm-long-story-got-to-go-_byyyeeee_!" Leo threw the headset back at his daughters, both of them fumbling for it and protesting. Elsie managed to get it, a series of demands meeting her as soon as it sat over her ears.

"_Why_ would that put me on Lou's bad side? Like, there is _zero_ correlation between horses and sea turtles, absolutely _zilch_." They found Melody's character. She let go of Oscar's lead, drawing her diamond sword. "Come at me, bitch."

"I will spawn you all the chickens you want, just leave Oscar alone."

"I'll leave Oscar alone if you stop avoiding my questions."

"What questions?"

"The one- oooh, you're doing that thing again, stop it!"

"What thing?"

"Ugh, why do I bother with you?"

"Free food."

"Oh yeah, good point." Melody hummed an off-key tune distractedly. Alokia was repeatedly elbowing her sister, grinning slyly. Elsie, pink-faced, elbowed her back, shushing her. A tap on her head had her look up. Louisa was frowning at them, paint splotched on her cheek, eyes bleary. Her hands were paint splattered, smearing droplets of colours on her mug of hot chocolate.

"What's this 'bout ya girlfriend wantin' ta kill horses?"

"She's not-" Elsie began, scarlet. A slight lift to her mother's eyebrows and she floundered, spewing obscenities under her breath and facing forward, shoulders hunched. Alokia explained the situation, the downfall of Clucky and the town, could just about discern Melody's ranting through the earphones. "And she wants answers, Mama. Elsie keeps fobbing her off and she's not happy."

"Mm. Just says it's personally offensive 'n' I will drown her 'n' everyone she loves."

"Um…"

"It's not illegal."

"Kind of is."

"Says who?"

"Uh, the law."

"'N' who's gonna stop me, Kia?"

"Papi."

"Yeah, I'm not that brave!" Leo called from the kitchen. "Drown away, chica!" Louisa grinned devilishly, aiming a thumb over her shoulder in his direction.

"See, he gets it."

"He's just as weird as you are!"

"'N' where d'ya think ya'll got it?"

"Can't argue with that." Alokia huffed.

* * *

"Pfft, the blood wouldn't spray like that, are they stupid?"

"Lody, these films are, like, a thousand years old-"

"They're defying all laws of human biology! I mean, that one, she should've bled out three scenes ago!"

"Well, yeah, but they like her running around screaming a bit more."

"Nice ass. Aww, don't pout, you've got a nice ass too!" Melody smiled. Elsie spluttered, red-faced, narrowing her attention to the film. It was some cheesy old black-and-white monster thing, but the continuity was terrible, the special effects were painful and the acting was testing the boundaries of cringey and desperate. She could not discern _why_ Melody wanted to make her suffer through this, but she was a little more concerned with the shelf full of them.

She must have given the collection a funny look as Melody laughed, playfully pinching her cheek. "Don't worry, I won't make you watch them all. Today." She added with a glimmer of mischief. "But you should know by now what you're getting yourself into." Elsie hummed, wincing as the lady screaming in terror fell in slow motion, landing on the floor, perfectly poised, not a hair out of place, finally succumbing to blood loss, a picture of male-favoured grace seconds from death.

Melody was watching her profile, tapping her finger on her chin in thought. "Wish I knew what I was getting into with you." She mused.

"Nerds." Elsie replied simply.

"Nerds aren't built like Wonder Woman."

"You stereotyping nerds now, Lody?"

"_I am defiant of all stereotypes and will dissect anyone who thinks otherwise_! Stop smiling, I'm serious!"

"Oh, no doubt, no doubt."

"You doubt."

"No I don't."

"I'd like to see you do better." Melody sulked, crossing her arms over her chest. Elsie offered a crooked smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "What?" Melody said. "Oh, _pleeeease_ just tell me your secrets!"

"No."

"It's the mafia, isn't it?"

"No. You already asked me that."

"Did you escape Area 51?"

"No, but I'm beginning to think you did."

"Are you the Avatar?" Elsie shook her head. "The Chosen One? Power Ranger? Foot Soldier? Galra? Jedi? _Sith_? You'd be a Sith, dirty Slytherin."

"Sitherin."

"I knew you was going to say that."

"What's wrong with Slytherin?" In response, Melody turned her nose up. Elsie bit her lip, drumming her fingers on her thigh. "Ravenclaws always so nosy, so needy."

"_Needy_?"

"Did I stutter?" Melody opened her mouth to respond.

"Girls!" Her father called. "La comida!" Melody snatched up the remote, pausing the film and pushing herself up from the sofa. Elsie followed. Melody's father, Ferdinand, was a tall, broad-shouldered man with dark hair and hazel eyes, shuffling about the kitchen in plaster-paint dirtied jeans and a black T-shirt. He grinned as they entered, pressing a kiss to his daughter's temple as he set the plates before them. "Patatas bravas!" He declared proudly. "And we have tarta de Queso for dessert!" He considered Elsie. "No fish, as promised!"

"Gracias, señor." Elsie smiled, bowing her head. Ferdinand laughed and waved it aside.

"Papa likes to cook." Melody smiled. "He wants to own his own restaurant one day."

"Ah!" Ferdinand smiled wistfully, dropping into his seat at the head of the table. "She will be _big_ and beautiful! People will come from all over for food, my food!" His smile turned fond as his gaze settled on his daughter. "Si, I will name it after you, mija, my little genia!" He looked to Elsie, positively glowing with pride. "She will be the best of us all, you wait and see! La cabeza bióloga, she will discover aliens! Eat, eat!" He flailed his hands at their plates, Melody rosy-cheeked and smiling bashfully and proudly simultaneously.

* * *

Leo picked Elsie up, but she was in no rush to get up from the sofa. One, her father would stand and talk with Ferdinand for… a while, to put it nicely, secretly enjoying a fellow Spaniard. Two, the sofa was comfortable and three- although the film was absolute garbage and Elsie would have gladly physically scrubbed her brain to rid it of its existence- Melody had scooted closer to her as the film went on, resting her head on her shoulder.

So while they fathers chatted away in lightning quick Spanish and sipped coffee strong enough to quadruple Leo's ADHD, Elsie revelled in being Melody's pillow, trying to not look too outwardly pleased.

"You don't really have to watch all of these films if you don't want to."

"Mm? Oh, no… I don't mind."

"You do mind. You're too polite, Elsie."

"Even for a dirty Slytherin?"

"_Especially_ for a dirty Slytherin, but this is probably one of your tricks, isn't it?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?"

"You do."

"Do I?"

"Stop doing that."

"No."

"Zorra."

"You love me."

"Oh, now hold on a second. Seven dates does _not_ qualify undying love."

"I never said _undying-_"

"You're so cute when you go all red and stammery." Elsie couldn't formulate enough words, settling with a raspberry instead. Melody laughed and replied in kind. "You free tomorrow?"

"A- afternoon." Elsie cleared her throat, determinedly concentrating on the film and doing her utmost to ignore the blonde's grin in the corner of her eye. "Free in the afternoon?"

"Dinner?"

"You're paying."

"Um, Papa made you lunch today, so _you're_ paying."

"No, no. It's your turn for _dinner_. Next time we do _lunch_, it's my turn."

"Sneaky cow."

"It's a Slytherin thing." Elsie raised an eyebrow. "Thought a Ravenclaw would know that."

"Keep talking and this Ravenclaw will remove your kidney, puree it and have you drink it through your cut-out veins." Elsie blinked at her. Melody gave a victorious laugh. "Where's a smartass reply for that now, huh?"

"If aliens ever did come to Earth, I think you'd scare them off."

"No way, I'm going to challenge their leader and take command."

"And yet you somehow still think you'd be a part of Voltron?"

"The economy is ruined, one job may not be enough."

"So alien commander and Paladin of Voltron?"

"Yes."

"Huh."

"If you say there's a height restriction-"

"Oh no, I would _never_."

"Out loud."

"Out loud." Elsie confirmed.

"Bibi, we need to go!" Leo appeared in the doorway. Elsie could see the effects of the coffee setting in, jitteriness and tapping of feet, hands, swinging his arms. "Come on, it's game night. And you know your mama, she doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"I forgot she kept a tight schedule on her absurd amount of cheating."

"It's not cheating, Bibi-"

"No, I know, I know. It's unapproved tactics."

"Bibi?" Melody echoed, frowning slightly. "But you're Elsie." Before Elsie could reply, Leo laughed and clapped his hands.

"When she was born, I wanted to call her Bibiana. But because she took thirty-eight hours and twenty-four minutes to come out… yeah, Lou was _not_ happy."

"Mama wanted to call me Esperanza," Elsie picked up, "after my abuela. I didn't plan for thirty-eight hours-"

"And twenty-four minutes."

"-and twenty-four minutes of labour, I was this big!" She held her hands about a foot apart. Melody cooed, giggling as Elsie flushed pink again. "_Anyway_, they settled on an E name-"

"Could've been Elliot."

"-but I'm Elsie now. Papi calls me Bibi-"

"Because she would've been Bibi if she came out like a normal baby."

"Define _normal_, Papi."

"Given our track record?" Leo grimaced. "About as rare as your mother _not_ swearing."

"Exactly." Elsie nodded. Melody squinted at her, the first light of a smile on her lips. "What?"

"Bibi quite suits you. Mind if I call you that as well?" Elsie didn't get to respond, Leo whooping and throwing his hands up in triumph.

"I _knew_ it was a good name! Quick, let's go and rub it in your mama's face."

"She'll kill you."

"Worth it."


	5. Chapter 5

Elsie stood at the sink, washing up while her mother dried. Alokia and Melody were currently unseen by them, peeking around the door with wicked grins. Alokia poked Melody, stifling giggles. The blonde swept forward. She spun on her toes, throwing her hands up and letting her momentum take her, flourishing her voice to sing one word:

"TRUST!"

"SHIT!"

There was a multitude of crashes, water and suds sloshed over the floor, the dishcloth went flying. Alokia cackled delightedly, Louisa had no idea what was going on, Elsie had caught Melody and now lay in a heap on the wet tiles, groaning in complaint and pain. "I'm going off you." She grumbled.

"I'm so lost." Louisa admitted. She noticed her younger daughter, shooting her a questioning look.

"Trust falls."

"_Spontaneous_ trust falls." Elsie corrected, pushing Melody off. Melody sprung to her feet, beaming. "That's the eighth one this week." Elsie muttered, massaging her ribs as she sat up.

"Does, uh," Louisa tapped her chin, "does Papi know about these spontaneous trust falls?"

"No." Alokia smirked. "But I'm sure he will." Louisa pursed her lips, holding back a devilish grin. She helped Elsie up, poking her in the forehead.

"Mind your language."

"Pot kettle black, Mama."

"I'm allowed ta swear."

"And why's that?"

"Fuck you, that's why. Nooooo, I didn't mean that really." She corrected quickly, crushing Elsie to her in an infamous bear hug. "I love you all, even if you did take forty hours to come out."

"You're never going to let that go, are you?"

"No, I thought I was bein' torn in half for two days."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be." Louisa nodded, patting her head. "Now go 'n' see who's at the door." Before anyone could question her, the doorbell rang.

"How _do_ you do that?" Melody marvelled. Louisa let Elsie go, tapping her nose and smiling secretively. "Are _you_ an alien?"

"Yes."

"I _knew _it." She was interrupted by Charlie whooping excitedly.

"It's Martine! Yay, Martine!" Melody rushed out to meet her friend, who had already scooped up the youngest Valdez and was in the process of squashing him. Charlie didn't seem to mind, hugging her back and laughing. Elsie did mind, also being squashed, but she didn't seem to have the heart to wiggle free.

Martine put them down when she saw Melody, booming with laughter. "Mama!" Charlie called. "Mama, meet Martine!"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'- holy shit, you're tall."

"Really? I hadn't noticed. And no I don't play basketball, the weather's great and yes, you all look like ants."

"Oooh, you take that back." Louisa challenged.

"Mama, you can't fight everyone that comes in here."

"Yes I can!"

"Oh yeah?" Martine grinned lopsidedly. "Challenge accepted. Square up." She clenched her fists, dropping her shoulders to a fighting stance. Louisa stared at her, a finger to her lips in thought. Slowly, she lowered that finger to point at Martine, nodding approvingly.

"I'm adoptin' you." She decided. "VALDEZ! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE 'N' SHE TOLD ME TO SQUARE UP!"

"GOOD FOR HER!" Leo called back. He materialised from the bathroom a few minutes later, hair still wet from his shower. "Right, who are we adop- mierda, you're tall."

"It's not my fault ya'll a bunch of short-asses." Martine rolled her eyes.

"Oh my gods, she says 'ya'll' too." Louisa beamed. Leo laughed.

"Something you're not telling me, Lou?"

"Ooh, I don't know."

"That was a joke, but I'm genuinely scared now." Leo still smiled, but tightly as he gave a worried chuckle. Louisa snickered, kissing his cheek.

"Nothin' ta worry 'bout, Valdez. I'm too classy. But we're adoptin' her, mm'kay?"

"Mm'kay. I'm Leo, by the way." He shook Martine's hand. "That's Lou, you know the rest." He motioned vaguely at his offspring and Melody. Charlie laughed, clinging to Martine's arm and swinging playfully. Martine grinned and hoisted him up to eye level.

"Something tells me you're trouble."

"No, never!"

"All the fucking time." Leo corrected. "'Scuse my language, ladies, but it felt appropriate."

"I'm lovely!" Charlie insisted, tipping his head back to pout at his father. Leo hummed disbelievingly. Charlie stuck his tongue out. "Lovelier than you."

"Not possible." Leo laughed. "Martine, you are welcome to him."

"Hey!" Louisa protested. She rescued Charlie, hugging the boy off the floor. She squished her cheek against his hair, glaring at them all defiantly. Charlie snickered, rubbing his hands together victoriously.

"I _knew_ I was the favourite."

* * *

"So," Martine said, examining her hotdog, "what are you intentions with our Melody?" Elsie choked on her mouthful. Alokia snickered, hitting her on the back helpfully. Melody was just as crimson-faced as Elsie was. "Oh, come on, stop doing that." Martine chided light-heartedly. "You've been on, what, nine dates now? Does that make things official, it had _better_ make things official." She pointed at the blushing pair, warningly, taking a large bite of hotdog as she stared them down.

"Yeah," Charlie agreed, sat on Martine's shoulders, "we need Melsie confirmed and _stat_."

"Why…?" Elsie coughed, cleared her throat. She squinted up at her brother. "Why are you even up there?"

"I like to be tall."

"He likes to be tall." Martine confirmed at the same time. "Now don't change the subject, you ass, or I really will keep your brother."

"Take him." Alokia insisted.

"She'll have to fight Mama for him." Elsie pointed out.

"Na-na-na-na-na, I'm the favourite, suck it, losers." Charlie blew a raspberry at them, sitting up proudly. "Can I have another hotdog, Martine?"

"One more, little man, or you'll bankrupt me." Martine reached into her pocket, freezing. "OK, which of you have my wallet?"

"It's got Pokémon on it!" Alokia gushed, drawing it from her jacket. "I just wanted the wallet, I swear." She returned it. Martine eyed her cautiously.

"You're a little pickpocket, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I have Melody's phone as well."

"Hey!"

"Your papi's asking what time you'll be home." Alokia informed, returning the device. Melody snatched it back, turning away protectively and pouting. Alokia returned her sister's phone as well, shoving the last of her hotdog in her mouth.

"Elsie," Martine said sharply, "answer the question."

"Yeah, Elsie." Charlie pressed his thumb to the tip of his nose, snorting. "Answer the question."

"Better yet," Alokia intervened when Elsie coloured scarlet again, "what are _Melody's_ intentions with our Elsie?" She lifted an eyebrow at the blonde. Melody hunched her shoulders, gripping her phone and hissing.

"Ooh, that's a good question." Charlie realised, falling sideways on Martine's shoulders to snort at Melody, upside down. "You need to be careful with Elsie." He warned. "She is… muy delicado." He gave a thumbs up, realised it was the wrong way up in his position, and gave a thumbs down, grinning.

"Am not!" Elsie protested. Charlie swung himself back up and fell the other side, reaching out to pinch his sister's nose. She smacked his hand away, rolling her eyes. "Ugh, Mama's right. Brothers are overrated."

"Agreed." Alokia nodded. "Although, I do think he'll fit in that bin." She pointed. Elsie nodded in agreement and they fist bumped. Charlie yelped, sitting upright and clinging to Martine.

"I have a new big sister!" He declared. "She buys me food and doesn't put me in bins!"

"Exactly." Martine nodded. "But seriously, will one of you answer the damn question. I have a life and I need to know if it involves Melsie or not." When neither of them spoke, she sighed. "You two need to have a talk. Kia, tell me more about this Voltron stuff."

"I'd be the Black Paladin-"

"_Green_!" Charlie corrected, instantly restarting the debate. The trio left Melody and Elsie behind, both red-faced and avoiding looking at the other.

"So, um…" Melody cleared her throat, picking at the skirts of her dress. "What does, uh… what does nine dates constitute?"

"I don't know. I wasn't even expecting to get _one_."

"Seriously? With _those_ arms? You are _literally_ a shorter, Latina version of Wonder Woman and I have a type, OK?"

"You… you do?"

"Yes, please launch me into the sun, it's an odd aphrodisiac but I am willing to die for it."

"Um…"

"You're weirder than me, shut up."

"Yeah, that's a fair point."

"Tell me your secrets."

"No."

"Mafia."

"Still no."

"I bet it's the mafia."

"It's really not." Elsie covered her mouth before anymore insane suggestions came out. She _really_ liked this girl- she was gorgeous and clever and shorter than Elsie, and- much like Charlie- she liked to feel tall as well. Melody was just the kind of batshit crazy Elsie revelled in, and all the while, she was rocking pink dresses and fashioned elaborate hairstyles with ease. What _did_ nine dates mean? What were they? She would _love_ for all this to continue, even if it did mean watching cheesy black-and-white horror movies and having outlandish explanations put upon her.

If whatever between them really was going to continue, Melody would find out about the gods. Elsie didn't doubt for a second that Melody would freak out about them, that just wasn't her deal. But she didn't want Melody freaking out about _her_. She had not inherited the Valdez charm, as non-existent and egotistical on her father's part as it was, but she was not exactly the best with people. Melody would be her first girlfriend, and that was after a shocking and rather embarrassing amount of time figuring out she was gay.

Wait, _girlfriend_?

Was _that_ where they were now? _Girlfriend_?

Elsie was startled back into the present when Melody licked her hand.

"Don't look at me like that," Melody insisted, crossing her arms, "you zoned out for, like, _ever_, and I do not like being silenced."

"I noticed." Elsie agreed, wiping her hand clean on Melody's arm. "Um… I'm not a, uh, an expert with all… this, so… I…"

"Well, we can safely say nine dates doesn't total marriage."

"Say what?"

"So, how about you make it ten dates and we consider… girlfriends?" Elsie blinked at her. Melody winced. "Oh, joder, I overstepped, I-"

"No, no, I… you're kinda on the same page as me, that's… that's a bit of a relief, actually."

"It is?"

"Yeah." Elsie half-laughed, running a hand through her hair. She belatedly noticed it was the hand Melody licked, wiping it on her arm again for extra measure. "Yeah, I think I can wangle a tenth date."

"OK, but if we're definitely girlfriends after that, you _have_ to tell me- mafia or alien?"

"Neither."

"_I will find out_."

"Mm, probably. But that sounds more like fifteenth date material."

"Oooh, ambitious. Me likey." Melody stood on her toes and kissed Elsie's cheek. "Come on then, before your brother eats Martine's wages worth of hotdogs."

"Don't give him any ideas."

"No promises."


	6. Chapter 6

**Just wanted to introduce Elsie's group of friends! They will be back! ^_^ (And kick-starting the story a little too!) **

* * *

Jeevan downed the last of his coffee, grimacing. "It's too early." He declared, running his hand over his cropped black hair.

"We come to school at _this_ time _every day_, five days a week." Elsie said. He squinted at her.

"Exactly." He blew a raspberry. "It's torture, let me sleep."

"You _don't_ sleep."

"Let me die then."

"Take me with you." They shook on it, rounding the corner. The others were huddled around Hubba's locker, elbowing each other, muttering and shushing. "What are you weirdos doing?" Elsie frowned.

"And, more importantly, why wasn't I invited?" Jeevan wedged himself in between Kira and Lola. Hubba and Kurtis made room for Elsie, Kurtis messing her hair in greeting. They had all been watching something on Sheena's phone.

"What's that?" Elsie asked.

"Found some loon on YouTube." Sheena grinned, playing the video from the start.

"What's up, YouTube? It's ya boy, SneakFinder!"

"Ugggghhhhh," Elsie groaned, "he's already an idiot."

"He's a white boy, what did you expect? Keep walking, Dan, I'll deck you." Hubba jutted her chin up challengingly. Dan, a white boy, glowered, but hurried on when Elsie looked up.

"If you've not seen part one of this, click on the screen now-" SneakFinder continued. Sheena waved that aside.

"Part one was a load of waffle. Basically, he thinks there's aliens among us."

"No, no," Lola corrected, "he didn't call them aliens."

"What did he call them?"

"Um…"

"-I have proof this time!" SneakFinder interrupted. He leaned closer to the camera, grinning and adjusting his cap. "You all thought I was crazy, but here we are!" The video changed and Elsie felt her blood turn cold. It was a choppy, six second clip, but it was enough- a teen in an orange T-shirt, their back to the camera, wielding a sword and facing down a hellhound. The clip cut off as the blade connected with the hellhound's throat. It burst into powder and then SneakFinder was back. "They're out there." He said, peering into the camera imploringly. "Those aren't the only things they're killing either, I've done my research!" Images filled the screen, various depictions from across the centuries of hellhounds, Kampe, the Minotaur and many more monsters. Some of them were just as recent as the clip.

"He's mental." Kurtis snickered. Murmurs of agreement rumbled through the group. Elsie simply nodded. She half-listened to SneakFinder witter on some more, babbling about Greek mythology. She didn't understand- how had mortal technology seen that? The Mist should have concealed it and now there was some lunatic YouTuber trying to reveal them? Her stomach twisted.

"Oy." Lola flicked her in the forehead. "Earth to Valdez, come in, pendejo." Elsie blinked at her, frowning. "Where'd you go, hermana?" Lola smirked. Elsie shrugged a shoulder, checking her pockets.

"Give it back." She sighed. Lola's mismatched eyes gleamed cheekily, one green, one brown. She already possessed an air of mischief, but the separate colours only made it worse. She returned Elsie's phone, cementing the notion- Lola_ had_ to be a daughter of Hermes.

"I will get into it one day." Lola warned.

"That's as likely to happen as us seeing your natural hair colour." Jeevan snarked, rubbing at his eyes. Lola slugged him in the shoulder.

"You're just jealous." She stuck her tongue out. "I'm thinking of dyeing it blue next."

"But you've only just done it." Hubba puzzled. "You're going to kill your hair."

"Well, I had to start somewhere."

"Fantasise about dying later," Sheena advised, "you still owe me lunch."

"And me!" Kurtis pouted. Elsie shushed them before another bout of bickering broke out.

"It's too early to deal with you lot." She said.

"Aww, we're sorry, brainbox."

"No you're not."

"We never are."

* * *

Elsie had Math with Sheena and Hubba in first period. They teased her, as always, when she retrieved a different textbook to the rest of them. "Ooh, Elsie's too smart." Hubba laughed, pushing the tip of her nose up with her forefinger. Sheena cooed, copying the action and adding a boss-eyed look. Elsie blew a raspberry at them, but the teasing only doubled when Alokia walked in. She had been bumped up to be with her sister, both of them working beyond the class's level.

The four of them now sat at the back. Elsie sat with Alokia, Sheena and Hubba sat opposite. Either side of the table seemed to house sisters, but only one side did. Despite their similarities, Sheena and Hubba weren't actually related. They only lived a few doors away from each other, had been best friends since early childhood. They were both of Indian heritage, with dark glossy hair and brown eyes, Sheena's slightly darker than Hubba's. Differences in facial features distinguished them, Sheena rounder faced, Hubba slightly longer in nose, but the main difference was style. Hubba was always impeccably dressed, hair perfectly styled. Sheena was often found in jeans and T-shirts with slogans and could not tame her hair to save her life. Hubba frequently braided it for her, as she had done today, but it was already fraying and curling. Today's T-shirt read 'I'm as straight as a roundabout!' with a bisexual pride flag behind it.

"So," Sheena said, drawing a bag of chocolate raisins from her satchel, "when are you two nerds leaving for uni?"

"Don't know." Alokia admitted. "Not sure where we're going."

"That must be so awful. Having so many universities clamouring to teach you." Hubba sighed in mock pity. Elsie bounced an eraser off her head, accepting chocolate raisins from Sheena. "Are you at least going to the same one?"

"Also don't know."

"Kia wants to go to France with her boyfriend." Elsie answered around her mouthful. Alokia blushed and smacked her arm. They debated something in fiery Spanish. Elsie stole her pen, Alokia reminded her of something that made Elsie rather pink as well and had the pen thrown back at her. Hubba and Sheena never got a translation, but weren't in the slightest bit surprised. It was often like this.

The teacher, Ms Long, cleared her throat, expectantly raising her eyebrows at them. Hubba mumbled an apology and began to pay attention, kicking Elsie under the table in one final retaliation. Sheena stood her textbook up, ducking to hide behind it. Elsie reached across and knocked the book over, snickering when it thumped on her head.

"Remind me why I'm nice to you?" Sheena pouted.

"You're nice?"

"I gave you sweets!"

"Not enough."

"Ugh, fine." She sat the bag of chocolate raisins between them, smacking Alokia's hand when she tried to get some. "No. Babies not allowed."

"I am not-"

"You are. You're a foetus, you're baby."

"I will fight you."

"Oh no, we're in the terrible two's."

"Excuse me." Ms Long called.

"Sorry, Miss."

"Thank you."

"But she is a baby."

"Maybe so, but at least she's doing her work." Ms Long pointed out. Sheena gaped at her, Alokia snorted and laughed triumphantly. Sheena opened her textbook, blowing a raspberry.

"Babies can't have sweets." She said. "They're a choking hazard."

"So they fit right in with your brain then?"

"Or her sense of style." Hubba added quietly.

"That's it, I hate you all. Except Elsie." She winked at the older Valdez. Elsie didn't even glance up, turning the page.

"I will not sleep with you."

"Dammit."

* * *

"I think you should take a gap year." Kurtis caught the basketball, tipping his head to one side in question. Elsie sighed, holding her hands up. He passed the ball back, pursing his lips.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like my head is going to explode."

"I am genuinely surprised that it hasn't already."

"I could say the same about you when Jeevan's around." Elsie smirked, throwing the ball, a little harder than she meant to. Kurtis blushed and shushed her, frantically looking around. Jeevan was on the other side of the hall, practising his three-pointer shots. "If you tell him, I _promise_ I'll will _try_ and make a decision on this uni thing."

"I need something more concrete than that, madam."

"Uh, _you're_ the madam. Just tell him, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Funny you should say that-"

"Ugh, here we go."

"No, no, Elsie, hear me out." He returned the ball, folding his arms and patting himself on the chest and then pointing at her. "Imagine that you are Jeevan, a sleepless caffeine-addicted part-time Muslim, as he calls himself, just going about your day, doing whatever the hell Jeevan does, I don't think I'll ever understand him-"

"That doesn't make you special." She snorted, tucking the ball under her arm.

"-and a six foot tall black guy built like a quarterback who also runs screaming from slugs marches over to you and blurts out pure gibberish because it is _physically impossible_ to string two sentences together around him."

"Pfft, two _words_ more like."

"You're not helping."

"You're _fine_ around Jeevan. Just… not when your not-so-subtle crush comes into play."

"I don't even know if he's gay."

"He's gay."

"How'd you know?"

"No straight man looks at your ass like Jeevan does." Kurtis spluttered and hid his face in his hands. Elsie snickered, lightly bouncing the ball off his head. "What did you expect me to say? Ding-ding, my gaydar is going off the charts, I must have found another one!"

"I do not understand why Sheena likes you."

"Also ass, apparently. I did ask her once, wished I hadn't."

"I asked her as well, she said arms."

"Huh."

"You put Wonder Woman to shame."

"Oh _please_, Wonder Woman could just look at me and my ass would be kicked."

"I think you'd enjoy that."

"Probably. Now go get our ball."

"Don't throw it at my head next time."

"Don't be an idiot then."

"You're an idiot."

"Wow, real original, Kurt."

"I hate you."

"I'll tell Jeevan."

"I love you."

"Good boy."

* * *

"Is he going to tell him?"

"No."

"Ugh, _why_?" Elsie shrugged. Kira pouted, dropping her protesting hands into fists on the table. "You're useless." Elsie raised a brow at her, unamused. "You had one job, Valdez, _one job._"

"You do better then." Elsie challenged, itching her nose. Kira huffed, drumming her fingers on the table. Elsie reached across, nabbing her apple. Kira didn't notice, pale green eyes studying the goings-on of the cafeteria. The rest of their group were in the queue, bickering and playfully shoving each other. Jeevan stole Kurtis's pudding with an angelic smile. "Sure it's me who's useless?" Elsie smirked at the love-stricken look Kurtis once again wore.

"Is this Kurtis again?" Alokia asked, shoving in beside her sister. "Like, seriously, he's know Jeevan for… four years? Why can't he just talk to him?"

"It's Kurtis. He spent three hours trying to catch the man that turns the light on when you open the fridge door."

"He was still under anaesthetic from the dentist, Elsie."

"I was just laughing. _You_ told him off for assuming it was a man."

"Yes I did and I have no regrets." Alokia said smugly, turning her nose up.

Once the others joined them, their table became quite full, but the Jacksons managed to squeeze themselves in regardless. Tobias crushed Alokia in a hug in greeting, high-fived Elsie and then began braiding Kira's blonde-brown hair, nattering about his day. Max fist-bumped Jeevan, sitting between him and Lola. Alvie parked himself on the end, sitting next to Hubba, the least likely to steal his book.

"I think we need a bigger table."

"Nonsense!" Tobias beamed. "It's like a big group hug with food!"

"Ugh, you're too peppy." Jeevan tutted, pinging a grape at him. "Stop being peppy."

"Stop drinking coffee." A collective, horrified gasp went around the table. Jeevan readied another grape. Tobias tipped his chin up defiantly. "Do your worst."

"Fight fight fight fight-"

"Sheena, don't encourage this!"

"She's going about it all wrong!" Alokia shook her head. "I call Draw." Hubba's shoulders slumped and she dropped her head on the table with a _thump_. Alokia grinned. "Put your bets in, pendejos, you've got thirty seconds." Everyone stared at their lunch, contemplating the best selection. Tobias and Jeevan were exempt from these bets, they did not have to sacrifice their food just yet.

Alokia tallied the bets, split into two piles. "Six yoghurts- four strawberry, one raspberry and one peach. An apple, a chocolate muffin and the last of Sheena's chocolate raisins. Three voted Tobias, six for Jeevan." Nods of confirmation came her way. "Tobias Jackson. Jeevan Yamin. Do you accept the terms?" They stared at each, nodding once. Alokia scooped the betting pool towards her, keeping her arms protectively around it. "Choose your weapon."

"You are enjoying this way too much." Elsie noted. Alokia shushed her. Tobias picked his yoghurt. Jeevan picked the pudding he had stolen from Kurtis.

Alokia waited. The others shifted as far as they could on the benches, putting as much space as possible between them, Jeevan and Tobias. Alokia waited some more. The boys aimed their food pots at each other, ready to squeeze, film lids still on. Alokia waited a little longer. They hardly dared breathe, attention flitting between the boys.

And then…

"_Draw_."

Chocolate mousse was not as good a projectile as strawberry yoghurt. Jeevan got a face full of the fruity treat, while his attempt fell with a splat onto the table, heaping in an unappetising pile. Tobias whooped victoriously, throwing the empty pot at Jeevan to add insult to injury. A bit of yoghurt dripped from his nose onto his shirt. Hubba handed him a wad of napkins, smiling feebly as chants of 'Tobias, Tobias, Tobias!' did the rounds of the table.

"If it makes you feel better, I _did_ vote for you." Hubba assured.

"It doesn't," Jeevan sighed, scooping yoghurt from his face with the napkins, "but thanks." Alokia split the betting pool between Tobias and the three that betted for him- Sheena, Max and Lola. Four people, nine prizes- as winner, Tobias got three of his choice, the others had two each of the remains.

"Alvie," Tobias pouted, "you didn't vote for me?" Alvie ducked his head, picking at his lip.

"Aww, leave him alone." Kira elbowed the oldest brother. "He can vote for whoever he wants. Alvie, sweetie, don't listen to Tobias, he's an idiot."

"The biggest." Max confirmed. "Don't look at me like that, _I_ voted for you." Tobias scrunched his nose. Max scoffed. "Fine then, asshat, I won't vote for you next time. This is why you're not the Black Paladin." He added quietly, instantly re-sparking the debate. Elsie wasn't sure if she should be pleased or insulted that they unanimously agreed she would be leading the enemy forces.


End file.
